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Giving Up On Skinny

This blog is quite sentimental to me as it sits in the space of realisation and acceptance of an incorrect way of thinking. It’s quite possible that many others have and still do think this way.

I feel that I’ve finally accepted I am never going to be Miranda Kerr skinny, nor am I going to make my legs long like hers either. I also realise that I’ve been given this extremely womanly body which is so strong in many ways. Now that I am embracing my curves, I feel happier than I ever have in my entire life. It’s only taken me 31 years to realise. Most of my life I have heard from others that my figure is something else, like sexy, solid, booty-licious and for a large portion of my 31 years, I have never being comfortable with taking compliments. I can now very confidentially and happily take them and embrace what others have to say about my body. It’s about loving the skin you’re in.

At around the tender young age of 16 I had one of my first real compliments on how nice my legs were. Unfortunately to me it made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't know how to take the compliment, maybe that goes deeper and possibly something for me to look into another time. However the point of this topic is that the compliments didn't stop there. I would have people complimenting my backside very regularly and the boys at school called me bubble butt. They would also comment on my calves which made me very self-conscious of my legs. I hated my body and I feel this is where my want for skinny legs and a smaller butt began. As much as I am an extraverted socialite, I just didn’t want my body being the focus in the way it was.

Although I knew deep down that what others were saying to me were compliments, it made me want to be different. It's that old saying; you always want what you don't have. As I started to mature, so did the attention and so did my desire to be skinny. Trying every fad diet you can imagine and always focusing on what I didn't like about my body.

I now realise when I look back on the last 15 years of my life, I was so unhappy with myself, so self-conscious that I wouldn't wear clothes that drew attention to my legs or butt or at least didn't accentuate the size of them. Don't get me wrong, I am a very sexy woman, that's something distilled deep inside of me from my Italian mother. So yes I have always dressed beautifully and sexy, even somewhat revealing. It's the way in which I liked my clothes to sit; they had to make me look skinnier and if they didn’t I’d be disappointed in my choice of clothes.

Up until late 2012 I was in this exact mindset, that I had a big booty, big thighs and I would one day get them skinnier and smaller. Well, haven’t things changed for the better in my mind.
I’ve spent a lot of time getting to know my body, from the inside out with an emphasis on what goes into my body. I’ve lived the low carb, no carb, no meat, no dairy and no gluten diets just to name a few. I’ve also tried just about every exercise/sport you can imagine (gymnastics, latin dancing, pole dancing, long distance running, martial arts, boxing, big weights, little weights, you name it, I’ve done it). Enjoying food and exercise as much I as do, this has been a very fun process and I have learnt what nutrition and exercise yields results for my body. Just not the results I set out to get, well not as extreme as I wanted.

I have also spent a lot of time learning about my hormones and the roles they play in my body. This has been a huge experience and the one I think I have learnt the most from. I have a great understanding of my body and am very in tune with it. I think more women should take the time to get to know their bodies and understand exactly what they are putting in it. I can feel my body responding to certain foods and I know exactly what side is ovulating at that time of my cycle. I love the human body and understanding it can assist one greatly with goals, even some health adversities, but that’s a topic for another time also.

After experiencing some adversities myself (not health or physically) I had no choice but to accept I was unhappy with many things, the way I looked being one of them. I believe when you hit rock bottom, you have no choice but to grow, it’s how you choose to grow that defines your happiness. It was this exact moment that I chose to embrace what I have been blessed with and this exact moment I started to feel happiness I had not felt before.

With this happiness came so much positivity and all the things I love about health and fitness just make so much more sense now. I spend my days learning and growing as a person within the health and fitness industry. I am affiliated with an organisation, Mass Nutrition that supports the desire within anyone who wants to become more healthy, active and happy. I enjoy being part of the Miss Nutrition community as encouraging other women in finding their inner female beauty and happiness is a huge passion of mine. I am so grateful to be part of the team and to have Coach McNally see within me the desire to be the best in what I do. Being one of his sponsored athletes is probably one of the greatest feelings ever. I am very proud to be part of this family.

I also have an amazing coach, Mike D, Co-Owner of Mass Nutrition Caloundra and we have in place a 12 month preparation plan for my first body building competition. You have no idea how excited I am for this! Mike hit the nail on the head first go with my training and has taught me so much, particularly about the supplements I am now taking which have added so many benefits to my gains. I’m not one bit worried about putting on muscle, in fact I’m loving every moment of it. My butt has never looked nor felt firmer and my legs, they are actually leaner (to my surprise, insert cheeky grin here). They’ll always be big and muscular but as Mike D says, we’re going to have them in the best condition possible. I say to myself when working out, “a butt one can bounce a coin off, a butt one can bounce a coin off”. It gets me through those hard workouts.

I think the best thing I could have ever done was stop wanting to be something I’m not, stop thinking unrealistically about what I want from my body. It’s ok to want to change certain things or to have a goal in mind, just make sure it’s accurate and achievable for you.

Giving up on becoming skinny was not giving up on my dreams, it was quitting the unrealistic desire to becoming a body that is just not me. Giving up on skinny means I can be Nyssa, the curvaceous, toned, fit woman I am. And I am very happy with that.